i have no idea what i want

personal 

But believe me I know what I don’t want. I know that I don’t want this degree, or my current hairstyle, my current look. I know that I don’t want to listen to this song right now and that I don’t really want to go grocery shopping today. I know that I don’t want to stay at this motive any longer and I definitely know I don’t want to take an hour long bus home. I don’t want to wear bra, or shave my legs or paint my nails, fuck, I barely want to do my skincare routine tonight. I don’t want to watch this 17 minute YouTube video and I sure as hell don’t want to subscribe. I don’t want to see that homeless guy freezing by the station again, his dog too. I don’t want to pay for these tampons, not worth it at all whatsoever! I don’t want him and if I’m being honest here I don’t want her either. I don’t want my mum to die she’s too damn precious. I don’t want to pay rent in 3 days, or text this person back, or write this pretentious essay, or try harder, or budget, or go to bed angry, or make a cup of tea that’s slightly too cold. I don’t want to buy a new AirPod case, can people just play electric guitar in public. I don’t want my skin to be politics same with my bloodclart ovaries and who I decide to love. I don’t want to be misunderstood. I don’t wan’t to be this or that or whatever girl you think I am. I don’t want to be your friend (or enemy). I don’t want this perfume or this overpriced chemical exfoliator. I don’t want this feeling to end. I don’t want this tube journey to stop. I don’t want anything in return. I don’t want a lot of things.

(I don’t want count: 22+)
(Want count: 0)